When do you feel most at home with yourself ?
Take a minute with that . When you feel most at home, and comfortable being yourself..Where are you and what are you doing ? Are you alone, or with someone ? Are you thinking or feeling ? Moving or still ? Are you exploring a new dimension of yourself or grounding with a familiar part of yourself ?
You might be clear when you are most at home with yourself. We are dimensional beings. Past, present and future. Young, vulnerable, wise and knowing and present today, with our choices and actions. A mix of experience, personality, identity, relationship, lifestyle, culture, ethnicity, race, values and so many aspects of living and being.
Who defines us ? Others can make assumptions, or get to know us. Ultimately we are a mix of what we are given, especially our experiences and, we continue to unfold who we are, by our choices, words and actions. These three things I just listed are the elements we do have direct power to act on, again, our words, actions and choices. These are the elements where we do create our path and impact of the course of our direction. In the big picture of our becoming, as we grow and become centered in present day, we are able to make choices and take actions and use our words and decide consciously or not so consciously ; regarding agreements we make with ourself, our life and with those we spend the most time with.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz defines it so well, based on Toltec Wisdom. 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personal 3. Don’t make assumptions 4. Always do your best. I have shared and discussed these agreements and concepts with many clients and with many groups.
The first agreement speaks to the power of words, and being clean and conscious of what we speak out loud. “Be impeccable with your word. “How can we be impeccable with what comes out of our mouth when we might hear so much that is unmindful or judgmental or hostile ? How can we be flawless with our words ? We can strive to continue to develop more mindful words.
One reason I write, is out of a motivation to continue to refine my voice, both my internal voice and my speaking voice. And I believe it is important to be mindful of what we tell ourselves within our own mind. Do we tell ourselves we are the best, or we are the worst ? Do we imply within our own mind that we are never enough ? How about the idea that we are perfectly imperfect, both vulnerable and resilient beings. Our critical voice can be rough. I continue to practice just noticing and not giving the critical voice the power to take over. It wants to protect. Okay critical voice, sit over here, I am still going to do what I do, imperfectly. Perfectly imperfect. Could the practice of patience even with our most critical voice, paradoxically make room for a more accepting voice ?
When there are regrets or misunderstandings regarding something we said to a loved one ,can we forgive ourself and apologize and repair with our loved ones ? Could we also request this from others ? Impeccability is probably unattainable, yet worth keeping in mind; the practice of cleaning up our words to mean what we say and when possible speak mindfully and compassionately to ourself internally and to others externally. Perfection is not the goal, being present and mindful and compassionate is a practice, not a perfect. Human beings are complex, messy creatures because of our capacity to choose and potentially evolve in our ability to offer something useful in our words and actions.
The Fourth agreement is about the power of our actions. Yes, I am looking at the fourth, and the first, because I am focusing on the power of words and actions.
Agreement 4, “Always do your best. “Sounds impossible ? The key is that, from the dynamic balance perspective, our “best” is relative. Some days we have a more limited capacity compared to our most grounded, centered, inspired days. We all have lows and highs and twists and turns and events that are out of our control. While “impeccable” sounds, impossible , it even starts with the same two letters as impossible, it can be a reminder to practice riding the waves of the day and still in the midst of that day, we may be able to do our relative best. Some days we may go slower and be unproductive, and the next day, after rest, be recharged and more efficient and productive. Some days we might wear ourselves out. If we strive to measure each moment or day, we are missing the ebb and flow of the bigger picture over time.
More flow, less crunch, that is a way to consider dynamic balance. Some days are full of unexpected events that might be delightful or stressful. Other days go like clockwork. Either way, when we stay present in the moment, we have the possibility of experiencing more of a sense flow, and being in the moment.